Title: “MK-Ultra Soccer”
Characters:
Joe Boskovic
Ante Boskovic
Donald Trump
Joe Boskovic: Mr. President, we heard you’ve got a new plan. Something about… MK-Ultra soccer?
Donald Trump: Joe, Ante — tremendous guys, by the way — bricklayers, right? Strong hands. You’re going to love this. We’re bringing dominance back to American soccer. Total dominance. And we’re doing it with the best technology. The best.
Ante Boskovic: Technology? Like better analytics? AI scouting?
Trump: Bigger. Much bigger. United States Space Force. The med beds. They’re ready. Age reversal. The best scientists — space scientists. Nobody talks about them.
Joe: Age reversal… for soccer players?
Trump: Exactly. You take a 38-year-old striker — great guy, incredible instincts, maybe a little slow now — you put him in the Space Force med bed, boom. Twenty-five again. Maybe twenty-four. Prime years. Knees perfect. Hamstrings like steel cables.
Ante: That sounds like science fiction.
Trump: They said that about Space Force. Now look — it’s real. Beautiful uniforms too. And the med beds? Total game-changer. Europe won’t know what hit them.
Joe: And the “MK-Ultra” part?
Trump: Branding. Very strong branding. Psychological edge. You hear “MK-Ultra Soccer,” you think — focus, discipline, mental toughness. No distractions. Ice-cold penalty kicks. The other teams? Nervous already.
Ante: So this is about conditioning and recovery science?
Trump: Recovery, optimization, space-grade rejuvenation. The kind of thing NASA wishes they thought of first. We’re going to have 40-year-olds playing like 22-year-olds. Maybe better. Wisdom plus youth. It’s unbeatable.
Joe: And FIFA just… allows this?
Trump: We’ll negotiate. I’m very good at negotiating. Maybe we host everything. “Space Cup.” Played under a retractable dome. Very futuristic. Tremendous ratings.
Ante (laughing): So the secret to winning the World Cup is anti-aging beds in orbit?
Trump: Not orbit. Secure facilities. Very secure. But space-inspired. And let me tell you — when our rejuvenated midfield starts running circles around Europe? They’ll say, “How did they do it?” And we’ll say: innovation. American innovation.
Joe: And if it doesn’t work?
Trump: It’ll work. But if it doesn’t — we blame the turf. Always the turf.
Ante: I have to admit, Joe… imagine bringing back legends in their prime.
Joe: If you can really reverse age, Mr. President, you won’t just change soccer.
Trump (smiling): Joe… we’re not just changing soccer. We’re making it young again.